Paths to change
When are we truly ready to change?
How do we make lasting change in our lives?
Disinvesting from the past
Often our focus and investment remain in the past, our energy tied up in resentments. ‘No wonder I’m x; look at what happened to me.’
But we need the energy we are placing into resentment for more useful things. We must transform it to give flight to the creative magic that our lives depend upon. Energy cannot be destroyed, only transformed. Place your energy in two contrary investments at the same time, and you will find yourself conflicted and confused. And so, liberating the energy that thrives in resentment is often the first step to committing to change.
Invest in the present, and keep an eye on the future.
All human beings resist change until they reach their point of readiness for change. Pre-contemplation becomes contemplation, which becomes choice and preparation, leading to action, perhaps relapse, support and maintenance and most likely another round of pre-contemplation on an ever-upward spiral. Or so the theory goes.
In practice, the nuances of life often swamp the theory. Our inner mind’s belief system and our social peer group both affect us enormously, whilst our natural inclination to run from pain and run towards pleasure can push valid, coherent and logical plans to one side. People are a kaleidoscope of identities and aspirations, each competing moment by moment to control or to sabotage.
So what triggers a readiness for change?
I’ve suffered enough.
This is the moment we realise that the adaptations we make to avoid confronting our problems are more painful or destructive than the problem we are supposed to be avoiding. With this realisation, which sometimes comes in an instant and sometimes comes as a series of cumulative turning points, change becomes a must.
A lack of meaning to life.
As we go through life, we tend to shut down our imaginative facilities. We close off our belief that somewhere out there are the people, the circumstances and the situation to reverberate with our deepest needs. We lose hope, and existential despair descends. At this point, we face an inevitable turning point: enter into destructive behaviours as a coping mechanism, or reach out for help and choose life.
Becoming aware that change is possible.
One morning, life shines and fog lifts. Perhaps the helping hand comes through a book, a coach, a friend, or an inspirational talk… and the realisation arrives that change can happen. It triggers an awakening and acceptance of wisdom that comes from deep within.
Reaching your turning point.
We each have our beliefs about our ability to change. Here are the words every coach wants to hear from their client: “I think I’m finally coming to a position from which I can believe it’s possible for me to change.”
The question then becomes, what turns a ‘should’ into a ‘must’? Within every one of us is the leverage we need to make the changes we want to make. What will that be for you?
We each reach our turning points at different times and for different reasons, but that moment is transformational. Movement occurs. Awareness floods in. Personal responsibility becomes as essential as breathing, and your uniqueness begins its ascent. At that moment, change takes place in an instant or shifts gradually, evolving and settling over a period of time.